var a=[];a[0]="he drinks a lot of petrol";a[1]="he was born in space";a[2]="he never blinks";a[3]="he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves";a[4]="he sleeps upside down like a bat";a[5]="his sweat can be used to clean precious metals";a[6]="his skin has the texture of dolphins";a[7]="if you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts";a[8]="he does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down";a[9]="he could annihilate the Daleks, Dr Who and the Cyberman, if he could be bothered";a[10]="he is scared of bells";a[11]="he once punched a horse to the ground";a[12]="his politics are terrifying";a[13]="he lives in a tree";a[14]="he likes DragonBoarder";a[15]="he was raised by wolves";a[16]="he appears on high-value stamps in Sweden";a[17]="his favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant";a[18]="his earwax tastes like Turkish Delight";a[19]="he is confused by stairs";a[20]="he naturally faces magnetic north";a[21]="he is illegal in 17 U.S. states";a[22]="his heart ticks like a watch";a[23]="all his legs are hydraulic";a[24]="his brain is a Satellite navigation system";a[25]='he can "accumbularate"';a[26]="he appears on Japanese banknotes";a[27]="there is an airport in Russia named after him";a[28]="he is wanted by the CIA";a[29]="his breath smells of magnesium";a[30]="he can catch fish with his tongue";a[31]="his tears are adhesive";a[32]="if set alight, he would burn for a thousand days";a[33]="after eating printing ink, he obtains the ability to fly";a[34]="he is terrified of ducks";a[35]="his voice can only be heard by cats";a[36]="he has two sets of knees";a[37]="he can swim seven lengths underwater";a[38]="he has webbed buttocks";a[39]="he can melt concrete on contact";a[40]="he is more machine than man";a[41]="his heart is in upside down";a[42]="his teeth glow in the dark";a[43]="his favourite food is raw meat";a[44]="he has no age";a[45]="he urinates 98 RON petrol";a[46]="he can smell corners";a[47]="he likes his eggs sunny side up";a[48]="he has a bionic arm";a[49]="he has acid for blood";a[50]="Jimmy Carter wants him dead";a[51]="he has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh";a[52]="he is stumped by clouds";a[53]="he has no fear";a[54]="his ears are not exactly where you would expect them to be";a[55]='he once, "preposterously", had an affair with John Prescott';a[56]="he has a digital face";a[57]="if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar";a[58]="he has named every single blade of grass surrounding the Top Gear test track";a[59]="his genitals are on upside down";a[60]="if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds";a[61]="if he left Britain, his ears would explode";a[62]="his ears have a paisley lining";a[63]="he is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show";a[64]="the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring";a[65]="he invented Branston Pickle";a[66]="if you insult his mother, he will head butt you in the chest";a[67]="on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake";a[68]="for some reason, he is allergic to the Dutch";a[69]="his fingernails have 330-bhp";a[70]="his tongue can strip the paint off a Porsche in 30 seconds";a[71]='his first name really is "The"';a[72]="if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they would all be pregnant, including the cameramen";a[73]="he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp";a[74]="long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist, pig-faced, waste of blood & organs";a[75]="he once had a viscous knife fight with Anthea Turner";a[76]="he was in no way involved with the cash for honours scandal. All we know is, he is called Lord Stig!";a[77]="he was a CIA experiment gone wrong";a[78]="he eats a lot of cheese";a[79]="his chest tastes like piccalilli";a[80]="he was thrown out of the Brit Awards for goosing Russell Brand";a[81]="he sucks moisture from ducks";a[82]="he is not machine washable";a[83]="all his potted plants are called Steve";a[84]="he was assembled out of spare parts from dead GIs";a[85]="he broke the speed of light backwards";a[86]="he is the only one who knows where Waldo will be next";a[87]="the number of licks it takes to get to the centre of a Tootsie Pop is relative to his position on the earth";a[88]="he walks to work";a[89]="he has one phone and it is linked to the Bat-cave";a[90]="he is the reason Goldmember lost his genitalia in a horrible smelting accident";a[91]="he has no accelerator foot and he is wired directly into the car";a[92]="he has no eyebrows!";a[93]="he has six toes on his accelerator foot!";a[94]="his scrotum has its own small gravity field";a[95]="because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called Cuddles";a[96]="he's banned from the town of Chichester";a[97]="in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh";a[98]="he gets terrible eczema on his helmet";a[99]="if he'd been the video referee at the World Cup Rugby Final, he'd have seen 'of course it was a try you blind Australian half-wit'!";a[100]="he's seen The Lion King 1780 times";a[101]="his second best friend is a cape buffalo";a[102]="to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, like this (runs his finger down the face of an audience member standing nearby)";a[103]="if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiney mouth shut!";a[104]="he thought Star Wars was a documentary";a[105]="he recently pulled out of I'm A Celebrity because he is scared of trees... and Australia... and Koo Stark... and Ant... and Dec";a[106]="he knows 2 facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong";a[107]="61 years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist";a[108]="when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks";a[109]="if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us";a[110]="he once lost a canoe on a beach in the north-east";a[111]="he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus";a[112]="as we speak he is actually relaxing in the resort pool";a[113]="he is actually";a[114]="after making love, he bites the head off his partner";a[115]="he's had to give up binge drinking now that it's gone to one pound eighteen to a litre";a[116]="each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples";a[117]='he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal';a[118]="he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face";a[119]="his droppings have been found as far north as York";a[120]="he's never seen an episode of Top Gear, because he's a huge fan of Midsomer Murders!";a[121]="he is not allowed, by law, within 100 yards of Lorraine Kelly";a[122]="he can open a beer bottle with his testes!";a[123]="it's impossible for him to wear socks";a[124]="he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine";a[125]="he sleeps inside out";a[126]="he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material";a[127]="his favourite ever song is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward";a[128]="if he had won the World Championship in Brazil last weekend, there might have been one photograph of him without his father, gurning in the back of shot";a[129]="he was turned down for I'm a celebrity because people have heard of him";a[130]="one of his eyes is a teste";a[131]="I haven't done one of these for some time and I've forgotten to make up a second thing";a[132]="one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady";a[133]="he doesn't like to get his helmet wet. A point that was proved last week when he was caught in the back of shot by an eagle-eyed viewer";a[134]="he recently submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel [audience laughs] ... for his moat";a[135]="he invented the curtain";a[136]="he is absolutely baffled by urinals";a[137]="on reflection, this was a bad week to launch his debut single - it's a tribute, to Farrah Fawcett";a[138]="he has 12 GCSEs, all in domestic science";a[139]="he's been producing artificial sperm for years, even though we've been asking him not to";a[140]="on Thursdays, he becomes incredibly bulbous";a[141]="recently pigs in Mexico have started to die from something called Stig Flu";a[142]="if he compensated a soldier for being wounded, he wouldn't try and take it all back again";var b=Math.floor(Math.random()*a.length);document.write(a[b]);